Sorry For The Interruption

Well, readers, the last few months have been hell.

First off, I have miserably failed you as a blogger, and as someone who wanted to devote the time to building a healing environment.  For that, I am truly sorry.

I would like to explain why I dropped off the face of the planet for the last few months.

Earlier this spring, my husband and I had a baby.  This was around the time I started this site.  A few months later, we lost our business.  This led to a frantic job search, which ended in a cross-country move.

My husband’s new job is outstanding.  We are in an amazing, loving environment that is wonderful for our children and for us.

A month after our move, I decided we needed to get internet so I could start writing again.  Then, I got a phone call.

My younger sister was killed in a car crash.

I cannot explain what goes through your head when you lose someone you love.  It has just felt like a permanent emotional brain fog.

Also during this time, I heard many of the stories of the people I am now surrounded by.  I have found that it is actually less common to find a woman who has not encountered sexual abuse of some kind.

I have also had the opportunity to share my story with different women here.  I am not sure if it’s the emotions from my sister’s death, or hearing of other’s pain, or reliving mine, but there is one word that sums it all up.

Anger.

I have been undeniably angry.  Not at God.  But at the horrible cruelties of living in this world.

I have also been exposed to the amazing healing power one can have when they tell their stories of pain.  To know someone actually knows exactly how you feel takes a large burden off my shoulders.

I stop questioning all my emotions.  “Should I be feeling that?”  “Nobody else seems to react like I do.”  “Maybe I’m just crazy.” etc.  It’s both refreshing and saddening to know others have experienced the same losses, the same betrayals, and the same abuses.

So, I have determined to write my story.  It will be a few weeks before I get it done.  There’s only so much I can handle at one time.  But I do believe that if I ever want to really help others, I have to first tell my own story.

Again, I apologize for abandoning you all.  But, this is also healing.  It doesn’t go as planned.  It rarely follows a schedule, and it can cause all sorts of emotional hurricanes.  I would be lying if I said healing was just one marathon- start to finish.

It is more like a merry-go-round.  Always in circles.  Sometimes to quick to think, and at other times just slow enough to process your surroundings.  And usually, someone else is doing the pushing.

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry for your loss. 😢

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry for your loss and to hear of the terrible time you have been through.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. It’s been rough. And I’m sure you can understand how emotionally taxing it is to pretend you’re OK.

      Like

  3. Blue Sky says:

    This is so excruciating to read… the changes and deep loss and struggles all coming simultaneously! I am so sorry for your loss!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. It has been difficult but I’m getting through it

      Liked by 1 person

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