Well, readers, the last few months have been hell.
First off, I have miserably failed you as a blogger, and as someone who wanted to devote the time to building a healing environment. For that, I am truly sorry.
I would like to explain why I dropped off the face of the planet for the last few months.
Earlier this spring, my husband and I had a baby. This was around the time I started this site. A few months later, we lost our business. This led to a frantic job search, which ended in a cross-country move.
My husband’s new job is outstanding. We are in an amazing, loving environment that is wonderful for our children and for us.
A month after our move, I decided we needed to get internet so I could start writing again. Then, I got a phone call.
My younger sister was killed in a car crash.
I cannot explain what goes through your head when you lose someone you love. It has just felt like a permanent emotional brain fog.
Also during this time, I heard many of the stories of the people I am now surrounded by. I have found that it is actually less common to find a woman who has not encountered sexual abuse of some kind.
I have also had the opportunity to share my story with different women here. I am not sure if it’s the emotions from my sister’s death, or hearing of other’s pain, or reliving mine, but there is one word that sums it all up.
I have been undeniably angry. Not at God. But at the horrible cruelties of living in this world.
I have also been exposed to the amazing healing power one can have when they tell their stories of pain. To know someone actually knows exactly how you feel takes a large burden off my shoulders.
I stop questioning all my emotions. “Should I be feeling that?” “Nobody else seems to react like I do.” “Maybe I’m just crazy.” etc. It’s both refreshing and saddening to know others have experienced the same losses, the same betrayals, and the same abuses.
So, I have determined to write my story. It will be a few weeks before I get it done. There’s only so much I can handle at one time. But I do believe that if I ever want to really help others, I have to first tell my own story.
Again, I apologize for abandoning you all. But, this is also healing. It doesn’t go as planned. It rarely follows a schedule, and it can cause all sorts of emotional hurricanes. I would be lying if I said healing was just one marathon- start to finish.
It is more like a merry-go-round. Always in circles. Sometimes to quick to think, and at other times just slow enough to process your surroundings. And usually, someone else is doing the pushing.