Dear Abuse Victims: You Have A Gift

I am not crazy.  I truly do believe every rape victim, every abused child, and every person who has experienced domestic violence is a true asset to our society.

Here’s why:

  1.  We have an alarming amount of people who have experienced physical, sexual, and emotional violence in this country.
  2.  We have all experienced the pain an uneducated society can have on our recovery process.  Example:
    1. “It’s been over a month, it’s time to get over it.”
    2. “But that happened when you were a kid, so it shouldn’t affect you anymore.”
    3. “Why didn’t you just leave?”
    4. “Are you sure you didn’t want it?”
    5. “Well, you shouldn’t have dressed that way.”
  3. We know what it’s like to feel completely and totally alone, while simultaneously feeling crazy for not being “over it”.
  4. We know the best thing for healing is someone who will listen.  To the really, really deep stuff.

Here’s where you come in.  You know the importance of someone who will listen to you.  Someone who actually understands what you’re going through.  Someone whose answer isn’t to just cheer you up or help you forget about it.

You can’t change what happened to you.  But you can make a huge positive impact on the world because of it.  There are others like you.

Lost.

Alone.

Hurting.

They may be on the brink of suicide.  Or developing an addiction.  Or self-medicating with one bad relationship after another.  Or living the hermit lifestyle in a basement with Netflix.

They.  Need.  You.

You don’t have to be a licensed counselor.  Or have a college degree.  Or even have your own situation close to figured out.  Seriously.  You can be just as lost and alone as someone else.  You can still help them.  And they can help you.

Be willing to listen.  Be willing to be the person you wish you had.  Healing from this is messy, and there’s no script, and there’s no right way, and there is no finish line.

There’s just people.  Loving other people.

You have a purpose.  Don’t ever believe that you don’t.  Whatever he did (or she), it was wrong.  It left you with an infinite number of questions and only a finite number of answers.  They won’t all be answered.  You will never be fully satisfied with what happened.

But he didn’t take your purpose.  Live for others.  Be the one they can just vent to.  Heal with.  Trust.  You know how important that is.

Sadly, you may not have to go farther than you own friends and family to find someone else hurting.  That’s our world.

We can put the bad guys in jail.  We can be hammered with “You’re not a victim, you’re a survivor” mantras.  We can be told that everything was absolutely 100% his fault.  None of that really heals us.  What heals us is being really, truly loved again.  You can do that for someone.  For lots of people.  Take the passion you have for emotion and grit, and the iron foundation you have for hearing the most painful of messages, and be the stronghold for someone.

That’s my message for today.

 

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