I know why it bothers me so much. The Trump video, that is. I couldn’t quite put a finger on it until today.
Ever since the video was released, I have had this internal anger and confusion. How could anyone think this way? How could a man with a daughter think this way? Or a wife?
But honestly, I could have gotten over it. Not enough to vote for him, but I could have moved on fairly easily if not for one nagging detail.
“Men are just wired that way.”
Um… excuse me?
Now, I do understand men are wired for sex more than women are (usually), and I also understand that little teenage boys think it’s cool to talk like this in the locker room.
What I don’t understand is why those boys weren’t slapped upside the head as a kid.
When you’re young, I get it. I was a teenager too. You say things to be cool and fit in. Then, you get older, and hopefully wise up to what being an adult means. Respect, love, and responsibility.
So, what really bothers me about this video is the millions of people defending what he said. It’s one thing to say it in a little boys’ locker room. It’s quite another to say it as a full-grown man.
In any respect, as an adult, you should know it is wrong to speak about anyone that way. And what’s even worse is that this man went from vulgar comments in secret, to a charming, harmless (ish) guy once he was in public.
As an abuse survivor, I’m always paranoid. Always wondering if the people closest to me will hurt me, or my kids. I can hardly drop them off at Sunday School. I’m terrified.
But, I tell myself that it’s crazy. That it’s just me being paranoid. That I need to lighten up and just stop obsessing over the possible consequences.
And then things like this happen. Things that bring millions of people out of the woodwork saying, “boys will be boys!” Just when I convince myself that abusers are the bad apples, and men in general know how to respect women, I lose all faith.
I start questioning every person in my life. Wondering which of them have these thoughts behind closed doors. What them and their buddies slap themselves on the back for. It terrifies me. People who think like that- those are the people who end up abusers. Molesters. Rapists.
Now, before you write me off as a femi-nazi Liberal man-hater, I will assure you I’m not. I’m all for women being treated fairly, but there’s some things with the feminist movement I just can’t align myself with. I’m no Liberal, either. My first choice for President was Ben Carson. And I also don’t hate men.
I have a lot of respect for them. I respect gender differences. That men and women just think and act differently. That men have locker room talk, and women fantasize about kids with their freshman biology partner.
But I feel like as adults, we should grow up. We should look at Trump’s actions, and acknowledge that they are wrong. Men and women. As long as we keep choosing sides, we will keep breeding this prideful arrogance that leads to disrespect.
And to the women- we need to stop blaming men for our problems. There’s a lot of vulgar, immature, abusive men out there. They are problems. Big ones. But they don’t represent men in general. Even when things like this happen, where it seems like men from every corner of the earth jump to defend him, remember that they only represent a portion of mankind.
And as long as we blame all men for the sins of a few, they can disrespect all women for the actions of a few. We’re just feeding that cycle. The only way to break it is for both sides to grow up and start respecting people in general. Everyone. Male and female.
The only solution to this division is to start talking. Communication. Being confident that you, as a woman, deserve respect. And being aware than men also deserve respect. We can’t ask for what we refuse to give.